I knew it! I knew you were bluffing! I knew he was bluffing...

Dear Copper Chimney,

I've been watching you this whole time. Ever since you made me convulsively vomit for 12 hours straight, I've been waiting for your grade to get posted. Never, in my whole life, have I ever been as sick as I was after eating your food. I kept checking the NYC Department of Health and Mental Hygiene site waiting for your grade to be posted. For a whole year it was marked "Grade Pending." Many people believe that it means the Health Department hasn't gotten around to checking your restaurant yet. But I know that it means you received a low grade and have disputed the Health Department's claim. I knew it was only a matter of time before you were shown for what you really are: a cesspool of filth and disease forcing illness upon people.

So, imagine my pure elation when I looked on the website today and saw:

Also, few people realize that the reasons you got that grade are posted on the website as well. Let's take a look, shall we?

COPPER CHIMNEY

126 EAST 28 STREET MANHATTAN 10016


Tip! "Critical" violations are displayed in red.
Violation points: 28

Sanitary Violations

1) Cold food item held above 41º F (smoked fish and reduced oxygen packaged foods above 38 ºF) except during necessary preparation.
2) Raw, cooked or prepared food is adulterated, contaminated, cross-contaminated, or not discarded in accordance with HACCP plan.
3) Evidence of mice or live mice present in facility's food and/or non-food areas.
4) Facility not vermin proof. Harborage or conditions conducive to attracting vermin to the premises and/or allowing vermin to exist.

Surprisingly you got your violation points down from the 39 you had when I got sick. The only "Critical" Violation that has gone is the "Personal cleanliness inadequate. Outer garment soiled with possible contaminant. Effective hair restraint not worn in an area where food is prepared." Should I congratulate you on that? I think not.


So, thank you once again for contaminating my chicken that night. I was forced to take off 3 days of work because of how sick you made me and I will probably never be able to eat (my once beloved) Indian food again. You suck, and it's not surprising that you got a "C" because good will always triumph over evil (the evil is you, in case you were wondering).

I'll hate you for the rest of your short life,

BB

P.S. I leave you humming Avril Lavigne's "My Happy Ending."

Like you need that much space...

Dear Men On The Subway,

I can't understand why you sit with your legs open wide enough for a semi to drive through. Your junk cannot be THAT big. Come on. I don't believe it and neither do you, if you're honest with yourself. Now, I'm willing to accept that it isn't as comfortable for you to have your legs together as it is for me, but that doesn't mean that you can take up two seats (one for you and one for your junk).

How many more times are you going to make me sit on the edge of my seat so your leg doesn't rub against mine? It's rude. I don't take up any extra space and you shouldn't either. It's just getting stupid now.

And don't think I didn't notice you too, Boys On The Subway. Just because you're small and sort of cute (sometimes) I'm not going to cut you any slack. You're learning it from your fathers and brothers and you shouldn't be.

This has become problematic.

Seriously perturbed,

BB

P.S. I leave you humming "Don't Fence Me In."

Unacceptable

Dear Match.com,

You suck.

You send emails with guy matches to my lovely, lesbian roommate. When she investigated to figure out why, you told her that if she has her email settings set up to receive daily emails, you will send her people that she has a few things in common with (with no sexual orientation in mind). However, I know with 100% certainty, that I (a straight woman) would NEVER receive emails with women matches.

I can't accept your double standards and therefore am telling the world (mostly my Facebook friends and/or my few blog followers).

There, now I can go about my day trying not to think on this hypocrisy.

Sincerely and never yours,

BB

P.S. I leave you humming "You Give Love a Bad Name."