Are You Ready Yet?

My roommate showed me this video awhile ago and it makes me unbelievably happy to watch it. Today of all days, right before the weekend and at the end of a long week, I think I'm ready:

I leave you humming the song above. It has a surprising way of getting stuck in your head.

A Chair, a Chair! My Kingdom for a Chair!

New Jersey Transit, the Lincoln Tunnel, and Port Authority Bus Terminal have decided to make the last week before Thanksgiving a week that I wish never happened. Don't they know that my Birthday is next week?!

They say it's all because of Hurricane Sandy....but I'm not buying it.

On Monday morning there was a bus accident in one of the tunnels. I stood on a bus for 2.5 hours. Of course to make matters worse:

A.) I went shooting the day before, where I stood for almost 5 hours tensing muscles I don't often use. Granted, it was amazing fun and I would do it again in a heartbeat (even knowing what was going to happen the next day). But, it was hard enough standing in my bathroom drying my hair the next morning, let alone standing on a crowded bus for two and a half hours.

B.) The guy sitting beside me had his legs open (in an effort to leave room for his "special cargo?"), so one of his legs was out in the aisle the WHOLE time. This gave me even less room to stand. Thanks, Dude, by the way.

C.) Not one single person offered their seat half-way through the trip to someone who had been standing. It's funny how easy is it to ignore people in need so you can stay comfortable. I'm not even just saying this for myself, though I would have loved a seat. I would have felt 50% better about humanity if even one person had stood up, turned to the person beside them and said, "Here, take a seat. You've been standing for longer than an hour. I'll stand the rest of the way into the city." This, obviously, did not happen.

Also, every night this week, we've dealt with inconceivably long lines in Port Authority Bus Terminal. We normally deal with lines but:

A.) These are massively mutated lines. Lines that are comparable only to the monstrous lines at Harry Potter World in Florida. There's tons of lines coming out of the North Wing that wind their way into the South where you are greeted by New York's Finest, who know less than you do (if that's possible). The lines converge at the end in a mob of ignorant people. You must include yourself in this ignorant group because you know nothing and will know nothing until you get home and realize you still know nothing.

B.) The lines will just stop moving for long periods of time for some unknown reason. Being at the end of the lines, you might as well be in the middle of "no cell service" New Mexico for all of the info you're going to receive about what's happening up ahead.

C.) More standing. That's really all I've done this week. Last night I watched a pregnant woman repeatedly sit down on the floor during the 40 minutes we waited, only to be pulled back up by other passengers when the line would briefly move. I wished in those moments that I could offer her something more comfortable than the floor to sit on.

We're all dealing quietly with what's happening. Nothing about it in the news, and no hope that anything will change anytime soon. We'll just keep on going. This is our lives on NJTransit....

Thankful? I think not.

I leave you humming "Under Control."

We Go On...Hurting Each Other...

I have kept my mouth shut during the entirety of the Presidential Election of 2012. I haven't made a fuss on Facebook, or twitter, and have rarely even spoken about it outside of my inner circle. That was my choice alone and I don't regret it.

Now that the election is over I'm ready to express some of my own opinions. That's right; opinions. A definition of the word "opinion" is, "a personal view, attitude, or appraisal." Now, that's not the only definition, but it's the one that best represents the usage of the word in this blog. I'm not expecting you to agree with my opinion, because it's mine and mine alone.

1. I'm sick of politicians. All of them. The ones that run have enough money to do so, but I don't believe that they're the ones that should be running. Those who are progressive and honest, those who believe in something bigger than themselves, and those that can really "change" the country for the better are unknown or not running because they lack the financial backing. I predict that in the future this country's politicians will be wearing uniforms much like the ones that the NASCAR drivers wear, decked out (head-to-toe) with commercial sponsor patches.

2. Those people who have uttered the words (or posted them on Facebook), "I will de-friend/stop talking to/hate you if you vote for [Insert name of opposing Presidential Candidate]" should really think about what they're doing. Is this the way that we change America for the better? With hate, anger and intolerance? Chances are, the reason that you're voting for someone is because they support one particular issue (maybe more). Did you ever think that the other side is doing the same exact thing? It doesn't make that person evil, it just means they care very strongly about that issue.

3. The issue of Gay Marriage is not an issue. It's a basic human right. I was told, practically from birth, that when I grew up I could marry the person that I love the most. For me, I'll be marrying a man who treats me well, who loves me and who I love deeply. That's something that I get to look forward to. Are you telling me that my roommate, who was told the same exact thing all of her life, doesn't get that because she's gay? I've been thinking about this a lot. I was raised Catholic and am still comfortably practicing my faith as an adult. My parents taught me to love others and to respect them. I was told many times growing up that I was "the way that I was" because God made me that way. So is everyone else. I'm not going to hell because I'm spastic and they aren't going to hell because they're gay. There are many reasons, spiritually and scientifically, why I support gay marriage. If you'd like to discuss this further, let me know.

4. Bi-partisanship is breaking this country apart. I feel no ties to either party right now and I know that many people my age feel the same way. There is a lot of discontent among our generation with both sides. The way the two parties argue and cock-block one another, we'll never change anything. I don't want to support a government that acts like a bunch of school yard bullies and the candidates in this election were no better. It made me sick reading and seeing the bashing done by both sides. Have we forgotten that they are human beings too? Unless you know them personally, you should have no opinion about who each candidate is as a person. Leave their wives, children, and families out of it. If I hear one more person call, President Obama or Former Governor Romney evil, one more time, I'm going to scream. In my own, humble opinion I don't believe that there's a candidate from either party that wholly represents me and what I believe in.

5. The gloating after the election is even worse. I saw someone's post today that was something like, "I hope those of you who voted Romney, will support Obama now that he's re-elected."
Was that ever a question? Really? There will always be one winner and one loser. Half the country went to bed disappointed with the outcome last night. That's just the way it is. That doesn't mean that the disappointed half is going to go crazy and start the 2nd US Civil War or something. Be kind to one another. Both sides will have sore losers and sore winners. We just can't seem to leave well enough alone. It would have been the same if Romney had won.

6. I stopped believing victory speeches a long time ago. It makes me think of Beauty and the Beast: "Well, there's the usual things: flowers... chocolates... promises you don't intend to keep..." I don't believe one word of them. Ever. It's pointless. The next four years are going to go the same as the last four. Also, I don't like to hear the winning candidate ask the country to put aside our differences and move forward together. The winners always say that. It's condescending. Their campaign just spent the last year ripping apart the other's. It's not so easy to put aside hurt and disappointment and no losers (half the country) want to hear it from you.

I just had to get that off my chest. I'm not going to apologize for anything I've said here. I will not be defined by my political opinions and therefore, you should feel the same exact way about me today as you did yesterday. Also, if you read this whole blog, I applaud you. It was a long one and it didn't have pictures. Heck, if you let me know that you read all the way through it I'll reward you with a fortune cookie reading!

I leave you humming The Carpenters' "Hurting Each Other."

Eleven Years of Change

A lot can happen in eleven years. I think about where I was eleven years ago today. Unfortunately, I remember perfectly, because today is 9/11.

Then, I was in Ohio in an Algebra class, which I hated every moment of. Most days I would have given anything to get out of that class. The teacher was one of the football coaches and he and I didn't exactly see eye to eye. That morning the Assistant Principal came by and told our teacher to turn on the news because a plane had just hit the World Trade Center in New York. We turned on the TV and watched as the second plane hit. Maybe it has to do with my Dad being a cop, maybe it has to do with my weird "worst case" scenarioism, but I immediately knew it wasn't accidental. I changed classes - English was up. We continued watching as the towers fell and I cried for the first time at school in probably four years. Kids started being picked up by their parents and no work was done in any of my remaining classes. We changed classes, our eyes continually glued to the TVs around the school, walking like zombies through the halls. I couldn't deal with the complete loss of life I was seeing. I knew there were many still trapped as the towers fell.

That year would turn out to be the roughest year of my schooling years; less than five months before a close friend of mine was in a horrible accident and killed. I was overwhelmed with feelings of my own mortality and an intense paranoia of everything around me. Only a Sophomore in high school, I became obsessed with death, constantly telling my family that I loved them - "just in case." I would have nightmares and wake up crying. I remember my Dad coming into my room on the worst night to hold me, his (almost) 16 year old daughter, as I cried because he could hear me from his room. I'm grateful for my parents and their patience with me through that year. My Mom was always supportive and the best listener I could have asked for. My sisters even took a year off from picking on me, until things went back to normal. Which they did, and I became a pretty well-adjusted and happy teenager.

Now, I live in New Jersey and work in New York City. I know people and love people here. On a daily basis I am surrounded by people who were here on September 11th, 2001. This day for them is something entirely different than what it is for me. My time in New York has allowed me the honor of watching the Freedom Tower be built. It will be beautiful and hopefully fill both a physical and emotional void in lower Manhattan. The skyline of New York has forever changed, but finally we've passed the 10 year mark and we're doing okay at the 11th. There will come a time when there won't be anyone left on this earth that was alive for the attack, but those lost will always be remembered. Especially by the girl from Ohio whose whole life veered out of control for one year.

I am thankful for the people in my life. To my family and friends, I love you, unconditionally without the "just in case" scenario.

I leave you humming "Skyscraper." Please don't judge me - it's a good song by a less than good performer.

Cautionary Note-To-Self

Dear Future Self,

Do not, I repeat, do NOT treat people like crap. No matter who you think you are or what you think you’ve done. There’s always someone else that’s having a worse day than you. Maybe their Mom is getting radiation for Breast Cancer next week. Maybe they're just tired and don’t need you screaming at them. How about this: how about you don’t completely and utterly ream them all the way back to your office in front of the entire staff? You know what? That's not anyone’s ideal situation. But, maybe you don’t understand that because you think you’re better than everyone else based on your circumstances. That’s doesn’t make you better, it makes you more accountable for your actions.

Imagine yourself as the “Little Guy” just once, and see how it makes you feel to be treated that way. It’s sickening what you can get away with when you have more money or a higher social standing than someone else. So, please, no matter where you go, or what you do, or what you’ve accomplished, always remember to be kind to others. Live by this rule and it will get you through life with your dignity and honor intact. You will feel better about yourself, I promise. You know as well as I that you will not feel better after making someone cry. People loving you gives you 10 times more power than people hating you. You will be loved for being yourself and people will remember you for your kindness.

Although I haven’t met you yet, I’m convinced I know you like I know myself and you would rather hear the nicest things said about you, rather than anything hateful. So don’t give anyone ANYTHING hateful to think or say about you. The one thing that you want someone to say about you is, “I’m happy to know her.” Remember that and hold it close to you for the rest of your life.

Thank you. 

-July 19, 2012 Self

P.S. I leave you humming Coldplay's "Fix You."

Days of WHeat out WHest...

I took an unexpected trip out to Kansas recently. While the reasons for going were less than happy I was able to visit my family and pretend to be a simple western girl. I didn't wear make-up or nice clothes and I exchanged my quick-paced city walk for a meandering country mosey. It was a breath of fresh air and one that I definitely needed.

Did you know that Kansas has wheat fields....lots of them? Well, now you do. My sister and I couldn't resist forcing our Dad to stop the car for pictures and some "Dances With Wolves" reenactments. Who could resist? Let me tell you a few things about my experience:

1. Wheat is not soft. Looking at it blowing in the wind you think "That's what they mean by 'amber waves of grain.' It looks like a gold ocean and I'm sure it's just as soft." Wrong. It's the complete opposite. My legs were scratching for hours after standing in it for only 5 minutes.

2. I should have talked to my Grandma before stepping into that field. When we got into her house and told her what we had done she said "Oh, you don't want to be in a wheat field too long, you'll get itchy." Yes, Grandma, yes...indeed you will. City girls have no idea what will happen when we get in a wheat field...but now we do....

3. You can't help but think there have to be beasties surrounding you. Even some that you can't see coming at you. I pictured a tiger sneaking up behind us, which is a completely irrational fear because we were standing in the middle of a wheat field in the middle of Kansas. But, that didn't stop me from singing "Eye of the Tiger" in my head. Afterwards, I couldn't help but glance down my legs repeatedly expecting to see ticks or other, equally disturbing, bugs attached to my shoes and waiting to pounce - like miniature tigers, if you will.

4. The only reenacting of "Dances With Wolves" we did was standing there with our arms out, feeling the tops of the wheat, whispering "Tatanka." Then squatting, trying not to fall over, and looking for Tatanka while whispering "Tatanka." It was more epic in our heads than in reality, I'm sure...

With all of those things in mind and if you still want to venture into a wheat field you can end up with a picture like this:

I leave you humming "America the Beautiful" (if only to truly appreciate the "amber waves" in the picture above). As Horace Greeley said, "Go West, young man, go West and grow up with the country," I shall endeavor to spend even more time out West as I get older.

Point 50: World, Point 2: BB

This is the most nightmarish week I've ever experienced...maybe in my whole life. And that's even counting the week I had to wrap 300 company Holiday gifts in the span of 2 days while trying to get all of my other work done.

Let's start at the very beginning (it's a very good place to start).

Kate and I are moving to Jersey [INSERT worst Jersey trash joke you can come up with HERE]. We're tired of the city and want a change in scenery for awhile. After weeks of searching we found the perfect place. We were supposed to move in on January 28th to this newly renovated dream.

PROBLEM 1: This week we found out that our apartment won't be ready until February 15th. We still have to move out over next weekend so Kate and I will we homeless for 2 weeks. Luckily we have amazing friends that are already living in Jersey and are willing to put us up for the full 2 weeks (bless their hearts). Also, the moving company we hired can put our stuff in storage and then move it to the new place for us on the 15th.

So, we're feeling relatively better about that. Also, the new landlords have been extremely responsive and seemingly genuinely concerned about losing us as tenants. That's more than we get from the current place. Speaking of which - we've had a sublet in the apartment since December 1st. She's young and pretty cool... or so we thought.

PROBLEM 2: We've been concerned about our sublet for the last 3 days because she's been in her room every time we get home and not being responsive. I of course, thinking of the worst case scenario, have already imagined her dead in her room rotting slowly - the strong smell of her perfume covering up the smell of the 2 day young corpse....Unfortunately that's not what happened. IPJ came home last night and said to me "I've been thinking about [Name Withheld] and I think she moved out without telling us." I couldn't believe it - no - wouldn't believe it. We ran down the hall to her room and, after knocking twice and yelling her name, we opened the door. Everything was gone.
COMPLICATION 1: I immediately checked my bank account to see if the 2nd rent check she gave me (after the first one bounced) deposited ok. It didn't and, instead, followed in it's brother's footsteps by bouncing as well. So that means that I covered her rent of $675.00 this month. Great.
COMPLICATION 2: She's CLEARLY not applying for the lease in out current apartment (from hell) like she said that she was. So, I have to call the current Management Company (from hell) to make sure they know that she's NOT going to sign any lease that they send her.
COMPLICATION 3: This is about the time of year that I have some kind of mental breakdown - but boy, did this one take the cake. I called my Mom and sobbed to her on the phone for 20 minutes. I'm sure that you can imagine me sitting on the floor in the bathroom pathetically weeping to my Mom about the injustice of it all.

Also, last week I went to the doctor and he diagnosed me with extreme exhaustion and severe stress. Yep, you read that correctly. It's probably because the stress is causing me to not sleep.

PROBLEM 3: See Problem 1 and 2 and imagine how that can effect my sleep. I mis-set my alarm last night. Instead of setting it to 8:00 AM it was set to 8:00 PM. As you can imagine I didn't sleep well last night so when my alarm DIDN'T go off I did what any other exhausted and emotionally drained person would do....I slept in. This of course caused me to be 40 minutes late for work.

And the problems keep on coming....

Ok, I just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for bearing with me.

I leave you humming "Carry On (My Wayword Son)."