Wednesday, June 1, 2011

A Cautionary Tale

It all started on a hot and sticky day...

BB went to work like she always does on a Tuesday morning. Nothing out of the ordinary happened all day. This was a day that seemed to be going the same way all of the other normal Tuesdays had gone.

BB got off the train and walked to her apartment. She had no idea what would be waiting for her when she arrived. Her thoughts were of simple things, like how she could already smell that horrible sweaty body in the summer smell on the train and how she hoped that the liquid hitting her on the neck was condensation from an AC unit and not bird poop.

She went into her building and upstairs to her apartment. Once there, she got changed into a GIANT t-shirt of her Alma mater but left her black skinny jeans on (please imagine the unattractiveness of this outfit). BB started preparing her dinner. Before she could do that, however, she noticed that there were dirty dishes in the sink and dishwasher. BB thought, "Oh, I should put the rest is so I can run it." So, she did. Less than 3 minutes later the dishwasher was running and she was on her way to preparing dinner. But, she saw that the trash was pretty full. BB thought, "Oh, I should run it downstairs before it starts smelling bad." So, she did. She tied it up and headed out to the hallway.

When BB got outside her front door she immediately saw that there was a young man (a little older than her perhaps) waiting for the elevator with his trash. They said hello and he asked if she would like for him to take her trash down with his. She replied, "Oh no, that's ok. Thank you though." He insisted and she replied, "But, it's really heavy!" He smiled and again insisted, saying, "I have a free hand, it's really no problem." BB thanked him and took him up on the offer. After telling him to have a good night she went back into her apartment wondering how she had never seen him before on the floor and how nice he was.

All of a sudden, the doorbell rang. BB ran down the hallway and opened the front door. It was the young man again. He gave a sheepish grin and asked BB for an extra garbage bag, explaining, "I think your garbage had a leak." BB looked out in the hallway and saw something that would forever haunt her. There, right outside of the elevator door was a pool (yes, a pool) of standing garbage liquid coming from her bag. It was probably one of the most embarrassing things to ever happen to our BB. She immediately ran back in for the paper towels and an extra bag.

Bless his heart, that man stayed out there in the hallway with BB and helped her clean up that disgusting mess that her apartment's garbage had made (you cannot imagine how much liquid came from just one bag). He will now be known as the Garbage Knight.

To this day BB will never know exactly what was in that garbage. Not having been home for 3 days, she knew of nothing that could be in there lurking to spring it's revolting ooziness on the world. So, beware and take care that you don't have the same thing happen to you, my dear reader...

I leave you humming "I Love Trash" from Sesame Street.

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