What Not To Do

Working in customer services has taught me a lot more about how to treat people. Over the phone, when you're talking to customer servants, here are some things you should avoid.

1.) Do not call customer service and tell us to "hold on" as soon as we answer. Get your shit together and then call. We're busy people just like everyone else in the working world. We hate twiddling our thumbs waiting for you. I'll hang up on you if it takes too long.
2.) Do not raise your voice in fear that we don't speak English or we're stupid. I probably speak better English than you, so stop it. Also, I'm not stupid. If you're really old, I might have excused you, but you're probably too old to be buying tickets anyway.
3.) Do not assume we are responsible for things we had nothing to do with in the first place. "Yes, Ma'am. I understand that. But, no matter what anyone else in the Theater told you, everyone has to pay that $5.00 per ticket processing fee. We make no exceptions. We just sell the tickets ma'am, we don't decide on the processing fees."
4.) Do not start spouting out random ID or Order numbers when we pick up the phone. I am not a robot, and I certainly do not answer the phone with my fingers poised over the number keys of my keyboard.
5.) Do not issue threats to us when you don't get your way. For example: "Well, I've been a member for years and I've never been treated this way, I want to talk to your manager about you." Or my personal favorite: "What do you mean it's too late to exchange my tickets??!! I'm a member!!! If you don't exchange my tickets I'm going to bring my kid with pink eye to the theater. Do you want that?!!!"
6.) Do not insult our intelligence. Just because I choose to work in Ticket Services, means nothing. I probably have had more schooling than you and a heck of a lot more common sense than you. I bet I make more money than you, and I don't have thousands of kids by different fathers yelling in the background of the phone call.
7.) Do not ask us if there are discounts. Do you honestly think we're going to tell you and not even make you work for it? Not likely.
8.) Do not speed through your order. This isn't a race and you won't receive a prize if you finish your order in less than 2 minutes. Again, I am not a robot. Please call when you have the time to actually do an order.
9.) Do not ask our names when you think we've told you the wrong information. "Umm...and this is your general ticket exchange policy?" Me:"Yes, it is." "So if I call back tomorrow and ask again, it's still going to be the same." Me: "Yes, it is." "Okay.....and what's your name?" I know that I'm right, but half the time I want to give you a false name. "It's Thomacina."
10.) Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT call and say that the person you talked to before told you something different. I can see who put your order together, you moron. In fact, I actually remember speaking to you. Even if it wasn't me, I work in the same room as all the other associates. Don't try to tell me you didn't know our policy or that it wasn't explained to you. I did myself!

So, please follow these rules and I will be nice, courteous and give you good seats. Honestly, if you treat me like crap, I am 1.) less likely to do any favors for you and 2.) more likely to give you the worst of our full view seats. "No, I'm sorry. We don't have anything closer than that."

I leave you humming "Chain Gang."