Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Our Seasonal Monster

Gather round children, I'm going to tell you a story. This story is about two young women who find themselves in a little situation.....

Once upon a time there were two young women who lived in a NYC apartment together. Their names were BB and Beau. This story takes place over the weekend, of let's say, Columbus Day. BB had had a very stressful weekend and had decided to make a batch of cupcakes. Cupcakes make everyone feel better. Listen to the adventure that follows.

BB stood at the counter gently and loving frosting her still warm cupcakes. She had decided on the dark chocolate fudge because she needed a lot of chocolate after the stressful day she had had the day before. As she stood in the kitchen spreading the French vanilla frosting on one of the cupcakes she heard a sound behind her.
     Without turning around, she called out, "Beau, your phone just made a noise!"
"Thanks, coming!" Beau called back from her room at the end of the hall.
     BB moved on to the next cupcake and was quietly humming to herself as Beau made her way down the hallway and into the kitchen
     All of a sudden Beau let out a blood curdling scream! Out of fright, BB threw the cupcake she was working on in to the air and turned around, thoroughly expecting to see a murder about to stab her in the back. What she saw when she turned around was far worse than any murderer. She saw a monster!
     And by monster, dear reader, she mean's a giant cockroach. It was running all over the floor right past BB's feet. She joined Beau in the screaming and they both ran from the room.
     Down at the end of the hall, they stopped and discussed what they could possibly do.
     "It has to die!" BB exclaimed. "And you have to do it Beau."
     "WHY ME?!" Beau asked in a loud, shrill voice. She was doing a "I just saw a huge bug and now I'm creeped out" dance.
     "Because, I killed the last one!! I refuse to kill another one. This one is all yours." BB explained.
     She pushed Beau toward the rain boots kept on the rug by the front door. Beau put on one pair of rain boots and grabbed another one. The two girls made their way back down the hallway toward the kitchen. Beau tried to chicken out but BB just pushed her the rest of the way. "Hurry or it's going to crawl under something." BB said as she pushed Beau into the kitchen.
     They both stopped and looked on in horror as the monster crawled under the oven. "Oh great." BB said, "Now me have to wait for it to come out."
     Beau bravely made her way to the oven, where she proceeded to kick it in hopes the monster would come back out. Meanwhile screaming about every movement she made or noise she herself caused. All the while BB stood at the doorway, not quite inside the kitchen, giving her encouraging words or yelling at her when Beau yet again screamed for no reason.
     The monster had yet to be bullied out by the oven kicking tactic, so Beau started to scoot the oven out slowly. She screamed again when the spice rack sitting on the top of the oven fell behind it. "Well, now the roach has our spices..." BB sarcastically mentioned. "Shut up BB, I'm doing the best I can!" Beau yelled. As she did so the monster decided he had had enough so he came running out.
     Both started screaming and running out of the kitchen. BB stopped them though and pushed Beau back in. "I don't have any shoes on, you so! This is our only chance for you to kill it!!" BB frantically said.
     Beau got a burst of adrenaline and charged back into the kitchen holding the boot like a baseball bat. She stood about three feet away from the monster which was again headed toward BB. Time came to an almost standstill. Beau, moving in slow motion, raised her arm. She took aim and let the boot fly. The boot was hurled through the air and actually hit the monster dead on. Time resumed like normal, the monster squished into the floor and was propelled at least one more foot across it. Both ran out of the kitchen screaming yet again down the hallway.
     BB stopped them again with "Wait! We have to make sure it's dead." She again pulled Beau back into the kitchen. Yes, dear reader, the monster had been defeated. Next came the clean up, which consisted of many more false alarms and shrill screams. Then with a flush, the monster was no more.
     Beau and BB laughed and hugged when it was all over and BB apologized for yelling at Beau so much. Beau apologized for screaming so much. BB asked what made Beau have the courage to just run in there and wallop the monster with the boot. To which Beau replied, "When it ran from under the oven it had a huge dust ball on top of it. I thought in my head, 'It looks like an old man with gray hair. I can kill an old man.' So I ran back in and killed it!"
     The two lived happily ever after.....until the next seasonal change, when another monster will probably appear.

I leave you humming "Monster Mash."