Friday, September 25, 2009

Zombie Lesson #2

It's been brought to my attention that not everyone is going to be able to handle killing other humans (even if they are mindless flesh eaters). So, I referred to The Zombie Survival Guide to come up with a way to help you out. Mom this is for you, because you have to hold down the fort when Dad and the AZSF come to extract me from NYC.

Lesson 2: "Until the living destroy the dead, or the dead overrun the living, trying to flee would only add more bodies to the anarchy. So load your weapons, prepare for a fight, but stay put, stay safe, stay alert. And what better place to do so than in the comfort of your own home?" (p. 65)

A.) Normal home security does not apply in a zombie war. Security alarms are good for alerting the police to a break in. I promise, the police are going to be a little too busy to help you out. Also, the noise of your alarm will alert other zombies in your area.
B.)With windows, tempered glass will help but won't last long without steel reinforcements. The same goes for bars. Both of these will hold one zombie for awhile and a group of them for maybe 3 hours. Unless they're reinforced.
C.) It would be amazing if you could have a ten foot fence around the perimeter of your home. But, unless you're like the evil, child-hating Mrs. Wiscarver who lived beside my Grandpa, this is going to require some heavy-duty installation. Also, remember that if there is a class 3 outbreak in your area those zombies might end up making an undead ramp up and over any fence you do have.
D.) Apartment buildings are going to have their advantages. If there is some way you can block or destroy the staircase, you'll be set. However, if you do that and there is someone already infected in your building, take care. Your safe haven could turn into a feeding ground for your reanimated neighbors.
E.) Keep yourself on the DL. Keep quiet and stay away from windows. Do not turn lights on at night. You don't need to be attracting a certain kind of "caller."
F.) Exercise daily. I know that you don't want to, but it needs to be done. You never know when you'll need to make a run for it (Lesson #4).
G.) Always have an escape plan prepared and have escape drills with your group. Everything needs to go smoothly in the LIKELY event you need to make a quick escape.
H.) Ration everything!! Only use supplies when you need them. For a full supply list refer to pages 71 and 72 in the Guide.

So, I hope this helps those of you who will be unable to fend for yourselves (He who Laughs). So, for as long as possible stay inside and defend yourself in your home. Just remember, the electricity might still be on for awhile so you'll be able to live comfortably before all Hell breaks loose. Defend your home as long as possible!

I leave you humming "Our House."


  1. Are zombies only satisfied by human flesh? Is the goal for zombies to create other zombies or to feed? Hmmmmm. Can we throw hmmm say pigs and other small animals at them while we run away. I mean in a war it is survival of the fittest to some extent, right.

  2. Zombies time and time again will choose human flesh over all others. No one knows why. Given the choice between animal and human, the zombie will always pick its brethren. By the way, are you willing to sacrifice Thumper, Flower, or a Wilbur to get away? That's terrible....

  3. Hey it's either Wilbur or me and quite frankly, I'm choosing me and the other non-zombie humans (Sorry Charlotte).

  4. I am still not convinced of the threat. More lessons, please.