Well, here we are. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know what I'm talking about; the ever eventual Zombie Apocalypse. Here's a short (Zombie) History Lesson on the outbreaks that have happened (and been covered up) for you to enjoy.
1. Once upon a time the world was created. Everything seemed to be going fine when all of a sudden God decided that he needed to purge the world of its evil (the Zombies) he sent a great flood that destroyed civilization leaving only a few people left to repopulate the human race.
2. All of us know about the black plague. Just like we all know what kind of "plague" it really was. Funny how the black plague slowed and eventually ended when they started burning the bodies...
3. You might not have heard about the first settlement in America on Roanoke Island. Long story short, all of the colonists disappeared mysteriously. It's not really hard to guess why.
4. Salem Witch Trials and the burning of more people, need I say more?
5. What started the American Revolution was taxation without representation. Stupid Stamp Act....but this was not the only reason. We clearly had an outbreak problem that the English were unable to control. Why else do you think we were being forced to quarter British troops? The Zombie issue only added fuel to that "we need independence" fire.
6. The French Revolution where the Royalty and upper class were beheaded? You guessed it; outbreak suppression.
7. Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre was written. (Okay, so that has nothing to do with Zombies in history, it's just one of my favorite books. It's also nice to know where it falls in the human history.)
8. Don't even get me started on how they covered up one of the BIGGEST outbreaks in human history with the American Civil War; it would take too long.
9. Did you ever wonder why the crew of the Titanic never saw the iceberg? It's hard to see something dead ahead when you're fighting off reanimated passengers and fellow crew members. This is also why many of the ships in the area conveniently "didn't get word of" or "couldn't get there fast enough" after the disaster. They were waiting for the Zombies to freeze in the water.
10. We all know that Hitler was using Zombies.
11. Penicillin (which I'm allergic to) was first used successfully to treat a patient. But, I bet you didn't realize that it was discovered while scientists were trying to come up with a treatment for the Zombie affliction.
12. The Vietnam War was....well, it sucked and was pretty unnecessary. But, I have reason to believe it was yet another cover up.
The End....or is it?
I leave you humming "It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)."
You know, some people might see these as conspiracy theories, but they're all quite logical. You've completely changed the way I think of the world's history! Thanks for the insight!
ReplyDeleteExactly. That's what I'm trying to do; give people insight in to a new way of thinking.
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