Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Zombie Lesson #1

Okay. So I'm reading Max Brooks' The Zombie Survival Guide. I'm learning so many helpful things from this book. I decided to teach you all the things I've picked up. The more we all know, the more we can defend the world.

Lesson 1: "Choosing the right weapons (never carry just one) can make the difference between a pile of dead zombies and becoming one yourself" (p. 28).

What I've learned:

A.) Handguns rarely work. Are you going to be able to keep your trembling hand stable long enough to aim dead center on a zombie's head? Average people won't be able to. So, if you're able to do this, consider yourself above average.
B.) Leave the bow and arrows to Robin Hood. Again hitting a moving target without a laser sight would be pushing your luck.
C.) Chainsaw or electric drill would be convenient. For awhile. Think of how long those batteries would last. (Sorry Dad, I know this was going to be your weapon of choice.)
D.) A knife would be great if you can stomach slicing through a human's skull and into the brain. However, if you choose this weapon, stay away from serrated blades. They tend to stick. You're much better off with a trench spike (WWI weapon).
E.) Stay away from throwing stars and knives. What are you going to do when you've thrown your only weapon into a zombie and there are eight more to kill? Unfortunately those weapons don't return to you, but the zombies will.
F.) The best rifle to use in a zombie attack is the semiautomatic. Because...well, for a lot of technical reasons I can't begin to understand.
G.) Sulfuric acid would be an amazing weapon against zombies. But, who has acid readily available to them?
H.) The best weapon against a zombie attack is your body. Keep it in good shape and never let your guard down.

So I hope these tips will help you out. Choosing a good weapon is the first step in defending yourself during the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse. For more details, read the book. By the way I paraphrased some.

I leave you humming "Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind?"


  1. I greatly appreciate these public service announcments.

  2. If something like I AM LEGEND happens, you should just make your way to Florida. I hear Zombies (or whatever those things were) don't like the sun.